LIVING DREAMS

In October 2016 I finally gave notice that I was leaving my corporate job. And by February 16 I was out the door. Today I'm lying on my bed in Hollywood, California, preparing to hunker down for what might be months and months of couch-surfing, homeless living, and an attempt to retake and re-engage in my life. The lovely Linda Cassidy on her bike in New Orleans. We became friends through Michael Zivick, my inspiration for this blog. There's a lot that's happened in between then and now, but I will just say for the moment that I am reclaiming my voice. I find myself writing everyday and it's been a long time since I've been in that warm place that I call home. I had months of planning behind me and was determined to take it slow and steady. I spent the first month resting, sleeping in, cleaning house, and organizing my life. By March 15 I was on a plane to New Orleans, and on April 10 I had temporarily moved to an apartment right into the beating heart of LA...

It's been years since my last post, but the messages resonate and I've decided to reclaim myself, my life, my friendships and the world I left behind for a bit. Reclaim and Restore. My daughter is in transition. She'll be leaving in two weeks to continue her second year of college. And that will be it. She will come to visit, but no longer will she really come live with me. It's been heartbreaking and I've shed a thousand tears over the last few days. It's the first time I've let her see that and probably the first time I've actually let myself feel that with her. At the same time my heart is full for her. So exciting. I totally and absolutely support her journey and will do whatever I can to push her toward the success I know she deserves and is capable of. My journey is not hers and it's time for ours to separate. Which leaves me in the partially planted, sparsley tended, and undeveloped field that has become my life over the last few years. ...

November is here now and I'm in the middle of my favorite time -- right before the holidays, when it's still warm but cool enough to be cozy, and in the middle of all the fun stuff like Halloween, school band concerts, soccer, volleyball and planning for 2010. Sometimes I think my head will explode with excitement. I finished 13.1 miles on August 30 @ the inaugural Santa Rosa Marathon, and have since spent the last two months doing yoga and lifting weights. My back is in horrific pain... but on Halloween night I dressed up as a ghost and ran 1/2 mile back to my car, scaring little kids as I went. Then yesterday did 21 miles on my bike down Chileno Valley Road. Not bad. I think I'm ready to run again! I've been really busy preparing for the production of my film and keeping up with work so there's been no time to ponder my own simple pleasures. Well, at the moment, I don't think I have any. Just working hard on my goals, really really hard. For film suppor...

I have this wonderful friend, LK, was my roommate in graduate school. We met in French class and have become life-long friends. She inspired me to continue my journey with religion and showed me that you can be smart and focused and faithful and sweet all at the same time. She has remained true to herself in the best possible way. And despite an unhappy marriage, she stood through it strong and proud with her faith by her side. One of my favorite memories was of going to the old Italian Catholic church in Monterey, an old adobe building with old wooden benches... just beautiful. She has in the last few years been challenged by the worst of challenges -- divorce, death, sickness, work -- but has unfailingly continued to pray for others and stay the course to remain the best parent and best human being she can be, even if she has so many times had to put herself second, or third, or way down the line. L- in the middle, on a rare visit to CA, with her college friend Amy I often ge...

I have discovered that things change when you get older -- and I'm referring to culture, exploits, adventures, people. Maybe I'm just perceiving things differently, which is all too likely, but my feeling is that culturally we're in the dead zone. Where are the real people? The characters. those politically incorrect, charming and forceful speak-your-mind kind of people. The people who are true to themselves and don't give a rat's ass about what people think. The ones that do and say what makes them happy. My auntie Darlene was one of those. So were David Carradine and Quentin Crisp. The talented David Carradine died this last week. Part of me is actually quite sad. He was not only talented, but he was unique and driven, and had not only moved past his Kung Fu persona, but actually lived truer to it then he probably would have imagined. He was an artist, and a real friend to many, but also a creator of characters that had depth and pain. A real person portraying...

It's been months since I've posted, but now seems like as good a time as any... The last four months have been really busy, but I seem to like it that way. I've been up for two hours already (it's 8:30 am PST) and I've already watched an episode of NCIS on my computer, finished off a cup of coffee, and am currently plotting the weekend. Took O to the airport last night. We barely made it because traffic was horrendous. Why is it that people need to drive 20 mph slower just because it's sprinkling?? JC was cursing like a madman and using his finest lane-changing skills to get us there. We pulled up and got her through security. But I yelled out the wrong gate to her. When I realized it, it was too late. Her phone was off and she had seven minutes to get to gate 28 and I had sent her to gate 2. I cried and felt like the worst mom in the world. Not only was this the first time I've ever let her go into the airport alone, I had sent her to the wrong gate! Fo...

Hopeful. Inspired. These are the words of the day. I love inauguration day because it's the best and greatest sign of a successful democracy. No bullets to our heads. No ideological marching. No violent demonstrations. No destruction. I hope that it becomes what the speeches tell us... but I'm aware, in the back of my fuzzy brain, that there are a lot of big guns out there aiming for their piece of the pie and often people in power are loathe to let any go. I like the idea of aiming high, so let's go with that. And while it is a great gift to be a good listener, to be open to all sides, and to craft a well-balanced solution, one often ends up with a bland but diluted version of the dream. It's like selecting art by committee. You'll always end up with art that nobody hates but nobody really likes. It takes some bold moves to draw a line in the sand and push the Titanic away from iceberg. If you do it right, you're gonna piss off a lot of people -- hopefully...